Its Been A While

I have not posted in a long while.  I really can’t say that I know why.  I have just as many feelings today as I did the day my husband said he was unsure if he wanted to be married any longer.  Sure he has come back and said he would like to try.  The problem is I am not sure if I want to try any longer.  I am not sure if I want to try and figure this all out.  I realized today that I have not forgiven him at all.  I am still mad as hell at him.  I know that I must forgive but I don’t know where to begin.  For some reason I think he does not deserve it.  I don’t even think that he really loves me.  He says he does but when I think about it.  I think that he loves me because he thinks it is the right thing to do.  He loves me because I am a good person and because I am good to him,  not because he can’t imagine his life without me.  I want to be loved like that!  This is no easier today than it was months ago.  I have been getting up everyday living a total lie….its bad when you lie to yourself.  I have been telling myself that this will work but I am not convinced….I guess I will  press forward toward answers.  i just don’t know where to begin.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s